im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
