Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
