Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
wow bdsm is so cute
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
