Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
