we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
