I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
