Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Everclear isn't food dammit
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
