i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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