The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
