I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Dicks are not precious.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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