they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
