is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
