Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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