i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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