me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
