I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
