You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
We are all done wearing pants today
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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