My nipple is on Facebook.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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