he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
