u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
