Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
