I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
