I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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