my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
