My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
