I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
