he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
