Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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