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Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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