did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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