the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
