I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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