If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
