Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
