i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
