Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
