her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
