Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
