Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
