the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
