I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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