Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
