After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Randomize
