I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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