her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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