I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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