update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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