please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
