I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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