1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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