it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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