I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
