i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
